POLITICAL HUMOR

POLITICAL HUMOR


The problem with political jokesIs they get elected. ~Henry Cate,VII We hang the petty thieves and appoint The great ones to public office.  ~Aesop

If we got one-tenth of what was promised to us In these acceptance speeches there wouldn't be
Any inducement to go to heaven.  ~Will Rogers

Those who are too smart to engage in politics Are  punished by being governed by.Those who are dumber.  ~Plato

Politicians are the same all over.  They promise to build a bridge even Where there is no river. ~Nikita Khrushchev

When I was a boy I was told that anybodyCould become President;I'm beginning to believe  it. ~Clarence Darrow

Why pay money to have your family tree traced;Go into politics and your opponents will do it for you.  ~Author Unknown

Politicians are people who, When they see light at the end Of the tunnel,Go out and buy some more tunnel. ~John Quinton

Politics is the gentle art of getting votes fromThe poor and campaign funds from the rich,By promising to protect each from the other.  ~Oscar Ameringer

I offer my opponents a bargain:  If they will stop telling lies about us, I will stop telling the truth about them. ~Adlai Stevenson, campaign speech, 1952

A politician is a fellow who will lay down Your life for his country. ~Texas Guinan

Any American who is prepared to run for president Should automatically, by definition, Be disqualified from ever doing so.  ~Gore Vidal

I have come to the conclusion that politics is Too serious a matter to be left to the politicians.  ~Charles de Gaulle

Politics is supposed to be the second-oldest profession.  I have come to realize that it bears a veryClose resemblance to the first.  ~Ronald Reagan

Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, It might be better to change the locks.  ~Doug LarsonDon't vote, it only encourages them. ~Author Unknown

There ought to be one day - just one- when there is open season on senators. ~Will Rogers

Algeria and the Arab Spring

Opting for the Status Quo Rather than Experimentation

In spite of strikes and protest campaigns, until now there have been no uprisings in Algeria comparable to those in other Arab states. The fact that a large percentage of the population consists of young people who are unhappy with the government is still not an adequate prerequisite for mass protest, writes Sigrid Faath in her analysis

Since the beginning of the protests that led to changes of government in 2011 in Tunisia and Egypt, and eventually also in Libya, there has been speculation both in Algeria and abroad about whether Algeria is an exception, whether the government is implementing its own, Algerian-style changes, and whether the country will continue to be spared mass protests against the regime in the future.
According to comments made by the Algerian foreign minister Mourad Medelci in December 2011, in comparison with some other Arab states that are experiencing changes, many of them painful, Algeria really is an exception. He reminded people that despite the violent conflicts of the 1990s Algeria has been experiencing a period of relative political stability for almost twenty years now.
However, Mourad Medelci correctly pointed out that Morocco could also be described as an exception. Since the ousting of the Tunisian president Ben Ali on 14th January 2011, neither Morocco nor Algeria have seen mass protests on a national scale that were persistently directed against the state leadership and the regime, or that threatened the existing order and political stability.
Reforms to ward off rebellion
In this, Algeria and Morocco are fundamentally different from the so-called North African transition states of Tunisia, Egypt and Libya.

Algeria as the exception to the rule: Foreign Minister Mourad Medelci reminds his listeners that the country has been experiencing a period of relative political stability for almost 20 years – in spite of the violent conflicts of the 1990s But they also differ from Middle Eastern countries like Yemen, Bahrain or Syria, where protests against their respective regimes in 2011, stimulated by events in North Africa, escalated and led to violent conflicts which were quelled by military intervention (Bahrain) or the resignation of the president (Yemen), but without resolution and the creation of political stability; or which – as in the case of Syria – led to an ongoing and bloody confrontation between opponents of the regime and the security forces.
The King of Morocco responded to developments in Tunisia and Egypt with the swift introduction of far-reaching reforms in the spring of 2011 that also made changes to the political order. In 2011 King Mohammed VI speeded up the process of reform that he had been promoting since he acceded to the throne in 1999, a process that has secured him respect and legitimacy among large swathes of the Moroccan people.
The Algerian leadership, on the other hand, reacted to the protest movements in Tunisia, Egypt and Libya by introducing a massive increase in subsidies, as well as smaller political concessions such as new legislation on political parties, associations and media.
Announcements were made about the fairer distribution of social housing or the creation of new jobs, about material support for young unemployed people, and wage increases. These took up the societal changes people were calling for, as they had been formulated for years and repeatedly demanded in the form of protests.
"Deaf and archaic rulers"
In a report in Algérie-Focus in March 2012, however, the author Kamal Benkoussa doubts that Algeria will escape a societal explosion, because "the street is young" and those in power "deaf and archaic".

Lethargy and lack of trust in the political leadership: Despite the widespread criticism of the prevailing policy among the youth of Algeria, there has been no sustained resistance to the authoritarian government of President Bouteflika Their concern, he says, is to maintain the status quo; they are no longer getting through to the young people, and state institutions have lost all legitimacy – especially with the young.
At the latest since the 1980s, when the repercussions of the oil crisis created difficulties for the supplier country because it was no longer able to fulfil the expectations it had created in its people, the relationship between the Algerian people and the state, its institutions, and especially those in office has been distant, even hostile.
Since the 1980s, in this increasingly aggravated socio-economic context, corruption, cronyism and inefficient bureaucratic structures have had the effect of increasingly delegitimizing the state institutions. The institutions and those in office came to be seen more than ever as 'opponents'. Among the Algerian people, trust in their country's state institutions is lacking across all age groups; on the contrary, there is strong criticism of prevailing governmental policy.
Widespread dissatisfaction
The problematic circumstances that worked in favour of the protests in Tunisia or Egypt also exist in Algeria. Since 2004 there have been repeated outbreaks of social protest on account of the lack of infrastructure, lack of transparency in the allocation of social housing, unemployment, lack of water, decreasing spending power, inappropriate actions by the security forces, inefficiency and lack of neutrality in the administration, preferential treatment or marginalization of population groups and regions, etc.

Taken the wind out of the opposition's sails: Algeria's President Bouteflika reacted to the revolutions in the neighbouring Maghreb states in February 2011 by lifting the state of emergency that had been in place in his country for 19 years and announcing reforms These protests are an indication of both the virulence of the problems and the dissatisfaction felt by large sections of the population with regard to the circumstances in which they live.
For many years now there has been a considerable readiness to go on strike and to protest, and young people have also always played a large part in these actions. Yet despite this, the political opposition was unsuccessful in its calls for mass mobilization against the regime, even though in Algeria too there were numerous incidences of self-immolation in protest against the dire social situation. So a high proportion of young people dissatisfied with the government and its politics is not in itself a sufficient precondition for mass protest.
In both Morocco and Algeria, a combination of experiences, developments and constellations specific to each country have contributed to the fact that no protest movement equivalent to those in Tunisia or Egypt has arisen that could force a transfer of power or even regime change. Algeria is therefore not the only exception in North Africa. There are numerous reasons why this is the case.
Shadows of the past
Firstly: the consequences of the unrest of October 1988, which led to political opening, the end of one-party rule and pluralistic elections, which worked in favour of the Islamists organized in the Islamic Salvation Front (FIS). The power struggle between the former political and military powers and the Islamists who were laying claim to power was followed by a violent conflict of many years' duration, which finally ended in a decisive phase of reconciliation and pacification in 1999 under President Bouteflika. Many Algerians are still affected by these events and by their personal experience of violence.
Secondly: the generally bad image parties have among the population. They are seen as representing the particular interests of those in party office and a small elite. The internal party divisions and quarrels which have very often led to party splits only reinforce these negative views.

Shortfalls in providing for the people: "The repeated outbreaks of social protest since 2004 on account of the lack of infrastructure, lack of transparency in the allocation of social housing, unemployment, lack of water, decreasing spending power, inappropriate actions by the security forces, are an indication of the virulence of the problems and the dissatisfaction felt by large sections of the population about the circumstances in which they live," writes Faath Thirdly: the splintering of the opposition parties, the leadership quarrels that repeatedly lead to the formation of splinter groups and new parties, and the lack of personalities with the ability to mobilize large sectors of the population all have a weakening effect not just on individual parties, but also on concerted action.
This was clearly apparent in the spring of 2011, when attempts by liberal opposition parties such as, for example, the Rally for Culture and Democracy (RCD) to focus protest potential against the state leadership and organise regular mass demonstrations along the Tunisian or Egyptian model soon failed. There is no coherent opposition movement in Algeria.
Fourthly: the lack of interest in politics, party political activity and elections as a means of political participation, which is exhibited by many Algerians eligible to vote as well as by large sections of the younger generation, has been demonstrated by numerous opinion polls as well as by the low voter turnout in elections. According to official figures the voter turnout in the last legislative elections in 2007 was 35%; political observers believed it to be considerably less.
Another important influential factor is that over the course of 2011 the enforced transfer of power did not lead to an orderly, peaceful transition process in either Tunisia or Egypt, or in Libya. The risks accompanying the transition process with regard to internal security or to social harmony and the future role of the Islamists are, for the individual citizen, extremely high.
Fear of the collapse of order
The internal political conflicts between the different Islamist groups and the spectrum of religious-reformist to secular groups in Tunisia are having a sobering effect. They are paralysing the country's economic development, exacerbating the people's socio-economic situation, and turning violence into a means of political argument in Tunisia, which until 2011 Algerians regarded as a peaceful holiday destination.
The example of Libya – where NATO intervened, armed clashes continue over who should hold political power, and inter-ethnic conflicts are now erupting into violence – is also not calculated to mobilize a majority of the population in Algeria (or Morocco) to participate in mass protests with unpredictable consequences.
Will the legislative elections in Algeria on 10th May 2012 be the start of a fundamental change? This is not to be expected, as the relationship between potential voters and parties has not improved since the last elections, nor has interest in the elections or expectations of them risen. The political engagement of the younger generation is very limited.
Fear of the collapse of order, recent violent conflicts within society, foreign intervention and negative effects on the economy – all these developments can be observed in other countries that have undergone enforced changes of government, and they argue more for a decision to retain the status quo, not a decision to embark on an experiment.
Sigrid Faath
© Qantara.de 2012
The political scientist Dr. Sigrid Faath is Associate Fellow of the German Council on Foreign Relations in Berlin. She specializes in, among other things, the domestic and foreign policy of the Maghreb states and the Euro-Mediterranean Partnership.
Translated from the German by Charlotte Collins
Editors: Arian Fariborz, Lewis Gropp/Qantara.de


http://en.qantara.de/wcsite.php?wc_c=18957&wc_id=19869

Don’t get too Smart

Don’t get too Smart

Wife was sure that her husband was having Sex with the maid, so she laid a trap ....
One evening she sent the maid to friend home for weekend & didn't tell husband and she slept on maid's bed.
She switched the lights off. He came in silently and wasted no time on words but quickly started Sex...
When he finished!
Wife said: U didn't expect me in this bed!! Did u ?? And switched on the light.
No Madam!!!
Said the Shocked Driver!!!!  

MORAL : Sometimes getting too smart can get you Fucked!!

sex joke

Dear Doctor,

I wish to apply for an operation to make me sterile. My reasons are numerous and after being married for seven years, and having a child each year, I have come to the conclusion that contraceptives are absolutely useless.

After getting married I was told to use the "Rhythm Method." Whilst trying the samba and the tango my wife fell pregnant, and I ruptured myself doing the Cha-cha.

My doctor then suggested we use the safe period. At this time we were living with the in-laws and we had to wait three weeks for a safe period, when the house was empty. Needless to say this didn't work.

A lady of several years experience informed us that if we made love while breast-feeding we would be alright. It's hardly tastes like Coors, but I finished up with clear skin, silky hair and another child on the way.

Another old wives tale was if my wife jumped up and down after sex this would prevent pregnancy. After breast-feeding (from earlier), if my wife jumped up and down she would have ended up with two black eyes, and even knocked herself unconscious.

I asked a chemist about the condom. He demonstrated how easy it was to use so I bought a packet. My wife fell pregnant again, which doesn't surprise me, as I fail to see how a Durex stretched over the thumb can prevent a baby.

My wife was then supplied with the coil and after many unsuccessful attempts to fit it we realized that we had got a left-handed thread and my wife is definitely a right-handed screw.

The Dutch cap came next. We were very hopeful of this as it did not interfere with our sex life at all. But alas...it did give my wife a severe headache. We were given the largest size, but it was still too tight across her forehead.

Finally we tried the pill. At first it kept falling out, then we realised we were doing it wrong. My wife started then to put it between her knees, thus preventing me from getting anywhere near her. This did work for a while until the night she forgot it....another child resulted.

You must appreciate my problem: if this operation is unsuccessful I shall have to revert to oral sex. Although I don't mind just talking about it, it could never be the same as the real thing.

Yours faithfully,

Ray Jackson