Showing posts with label ecofrensex. Show all posts
Showing posts with label ecofrensex. Show all posts

Wednesday, 9 January 2013

The donkey

The donkey

Father O'Maley rose from his bed one morning. It was a fine spring day in his new parish. He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of the beautiful day outside.
He then noticed there was a donkey lying dead in the middle of his front lawn. He promptly called the local police station.

The conversation went like this:

"Good morning. This is Sergeant Jones. How might I help you?"

"And the best of the day te yerself. This is Father O'Malley at St. Ann's Catholic Church.
There's a donkey lying dead in me front lawn and would ye be so kind as to send a couple o'yer lads to take care of the matter?"

Sergeant Jones, considering himself to be quite a wit and recognizing the Irish accent, thought he would have a little fun with the good father, replied,
"Well now Father, it was always my impression that you people took care of the last rites!"

There was dead silence on the line for a moment . . . . . . 

Father O'Malley then replied:
"Aye, 'tis certainly true; but we are also obliged to notify the next of kin first, which is the reason for me call."

Sunday, 28 October 2012

GOLFER AT THE DENTIST

GOLFER AT THE DENTIST A man and his wife walked into a dentist's office. The man said to the dentist, "Doc, I'm in one heck of a hurry I have two mates sitting out in my car waiting for us to go play golf, so forget about the anaesthetic, I don't have time for the gums to get numb. I just want you to pull the tooth, and be done with it! We have a 10:00 AM tee time at the best golf course in town and it's 9:30 already... I don't have time to wait for the anaesthetic to work! " The dentist thought to himself, "My goodness, this is surely a very brave man asking to have his tooth pulled without using anything to kill the pain." So the dentist asks him, "Which tooth is it sir?" The man turned to his wife and said, "Open your mouth Honey, and show him........"

Saturday, 28 July 2012

what is KARMA?

Karma is the destiny man weaves for himself. L. H. LESLIE-SMITH, Karma, Rhythmic Return to Harmony I'm the caboose of the wrong doings you produce The wild tail of the tornado running loose You tie the noose, I kick the chair I'm the cyanide that snatch your life when you gasp for air The echo of the "Fuck you" that boomerangs to hurt your loved ones The thief that took your son, held by ransom The pervert that raped your wife The hand that held the knife that took your life You shot Tupac and Biggie Now I'm coming after you like V-W-X-Y-Z This is cause and effect, the domino effect The "What goes up, must come down" effect You hopin' though, that you had a hand in doin the doin The conclusion of th evil that you ended and start pursuing Ain't no running from Karma, and no running Ain't no running from Karma, and no running BLACK EYED PEAS, Karma here is good Karma, there is bad Karma, and as the wheel of life moves on, old Karma is exhausted and again fresh Karma is accumulated. Although at first it may appear that nothing can be more fatalistic than this doctrine, yet a little consideration will show that in reality this is not the case. Karma is twofold, hidden and manifest, Karma is the man that is, Karma is his action. True that each action is a cause from which evolves the countless ramifications of effect in time and space. WILLIAM Q. JUDGE, The Path, Sep. 1886 Think about karma as a bank. The Karma Bank is an impartial, honorable, incorruptible, infallible solid establishment. Every single person in the whole universe has an account in this colossal depository. Each time you perform a positive action, you add good karma to your account. Every negative action that you perform produces bad karma. The ultimate goal is to have your account in perfect balance. When this is achieved, you will have mastered your karma. MARY T. BROWNE, The Power of Karma Karma karma karma karma karma chamelion, You come and go, you come and go. Loving would be easy if your colors were like my dreams, Red gold and green, red gold and green. CULTURE CLUB, "Karma Chamelion"

Sunday, 8 July 2012

funny beer pictures

BRAINS OF BRITAIN

BRAINS OF BRITAIN UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE (BBC2)

Jeremy Paxman: What is another name for 'cherrypickers' and 'cheesemongers'?
 Contestant: Homosexuals.
Jeremy Paxman: No.
They're regiments in the British Army who will be very upset with you. BEG,

BORROW OR STEAL (BBC2)

Jamie Theakston: Where do you think Cambridge University is?
Contestant: Geography isn't my strong point.
Jamie Theakston: There's a clue in the title.
Contestant: Leicester

BBC NORFOLK

Stewart White: Who had a worldwide hit with What A Wonderful World?
Contestant: I don't know.
Stewart White: I'll give you some clues: what do you call the part between your hand and your elbow?
Contestant: Arm
Stewart White: Correct.
And if you're not weak, you're...?
Contestant: Strong.
Stewart White: Correct - and what was Lord Mountbatten's first name?
 Contestant: Louis
Stewart White: Well, there we are then. So who had a worldwide hit with the song What A Wonderful World?
Contestant: Frank Sinatra?

LATE SHOW (BBC MIDLANDS )

Alex Trelinski: What is the capital of Italy ?
Contestant: France. Trelinski: France is another country. Try again.
Contestant: Oh, um, Benidorm.
Trelinski: Wrong, sorry, let's try another question. In which country is the Parthenon?
Contestant: Sorry, I don't know.
Trelinski: Just guess a country then.
Contestant: Paris.

PHIL WOOD SHOW

PHIL WOOD SHOW (BBC GMR) Phil Wood: What 'K' could be described as the Islamic Bible? Contestant: Er... .... ... Phil Wood: It's got two syllables . . . Kor . . Contestant: Blimey? Phil Wood: Ha ha ha ha, no. The past participle of run . . . Contestant: (Silence) Phil Wood: OK, try it another way. Today I run, yesterday I . . . Contestant: Walked?

Monday, 14 May 2012

Anger management: 10 tips to tame your temper

Anger management: 10 tips to tame your temper

Keeping your temper in check can be challenging. Use simple anger management tips — from taking a timeout to using "I" statements — to stay in control.

By Mayo Clinic staff Do you find yourself fuming when someone cuts you off in traffic? Does your blood pressure go through the roof when your child refuses to cooperate? Anger is a normal and even healthy emotion — but it's important to deal with it in a positive way. Uncontrolled anger can take a toll on both your health and your relationships.
Ready to get your anger under control? Start by considering these 10 anger management tips.

No. 1: Take a timeout

Counting to 10 isn't just for kids. Before reacting to a tense situation, take a few moments to breathe deeply and count to 10. Slowing down can help defuse your temper. If necessary, take a break from the person or situation until your frustration subsides a bit.

No. 2: Once you're calm, express your anger

As soon as you're thinking clearly, express your frustration in an assertive but nonconfrontational way. State your concerns and needs clearly and directly, without hurting others or trying to control them.

No. 3: Get some exercise

Physical activity can provide an outlet for your emotions, especially if you're about to erupt. If you feel your anger escalating, go for a brisk walk or run, or spend some time doing other favorite physical activities. Physical activity stimulates various brain chemicals that can leave you feeling happier and more relaxed than you were before you worked out.

No. 4: Think before you speak

In the heat of the moment, it's easy to say something you'll later regret. Take a few moments to collect your thoughts before saying anything — and allow others involved in the situation to do the same.

No. 5: Identify possible solutions

Instead of focusing on what made you mad, work on resolving the issue at hand. Does your child's messy room drive you crazy? Close the door. Is your partner late for dinner every night? Schedule meals later in the evening — or agree to eat on your own a few times a week. Remind yourself that anger won't fix anything, and might only make it worse.


No. 6: Stick with 'I' statements

To avoid criticizing or placing blame — which might only increase tension — use "I" statements to describe the problem. Be respectful and specific. For example, say, "I'm upset that you left the table without offering to help with the dishes," instead of, "You never do any housework."

No. 7: Don't hold a grudge

Forgiveness is a powerful tool. If you allow anger and other negative feelings to crowd out positive feelings, you might find yourself swallowed up by your own bitterness or sense of injustice. But if you can forgive someone who angered you, you might both learn from the situation. It's unrealistic to expect everyone to behave exactly as you want at all times.

No. 8: Use humor to release tension

Lightening up can help diffuse tension. Don't use sarcasm, though — it can hurt feelings and make things worse.

No. 9: Practice relaxation skills

When your temper flares, put relaxation skills to work. Practice deep-breathing exercises, imagine a relaxing scene, or repeat a calming word or phrase, such as, "Take it easy." You might also listen to music, write in a journal or do a few yoga poses — whatever it takes to encourage relaxation.

No. 10: Know when to seek help

Learning to control anger is a challenge for everyone at times. Consider seeking help for anger issues if your anger seems out of control, causes you to do things you regret or hurts those around you. You might explore local anger management classes or anger management counseling. With professional help, you can:
  • Learn what anger is
  • Identify what triggers your anger
  • Recognize signs that you're becoming angry
  • Learn to respond to frustration and anger in a controlled, healthy way
  • Explore underlying feelings, such as sadness or depression
Anger management classes and counseling can be done individually, with your partner or other family members, or in a group. Request a referral from your doctor to a counselor specializing in anger management, or ask family members, friends or other contacts for recommendations. Your health insurer, employee assistance program (EAP), clergy, or state or local agencies also might offer recommendations.

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/anger-management/MH00102/NSECTIONGROUP=2